Jack frost stopped by this morning...i made him leave :)

Its official. I am the best cook I know. :)

I just heard ur voice.

I had the best day. I got to spend it with my two favorite peoples. They make any day beautiful!

Pretty!

This reminds me of when I was younger. We would go to the swings and talk about how mean the boys were. Girls were always so much better than boys. Always will be.

Tell me that doesnt look strange...this one actually was taken by accident.

The world is not so difficult. We just make it into some big catastrope, that is really unneccessary. It amazes me the little things that get turned into disasters. Relax....relax....relax.

Ok, you made me do it. Here goes.

1.What was the last song you listened to last night? Calling You, by Blue October

2.What color is the top you are wearing today? Gray

3.What is your favorite saying? Just when you thought you knew everything there was to know about this world, you look at life through a different point of view and the whole world changes.

4.What is your best friend’s name? Kelly Ryan....(Omg I know)

5.Who did you hug last? Ciara Angel

6. Have you ever been arrested? Yep. First time was when I spent the night in a Marcus Hook jail cell, for "withholding information".

7. Where is your favorite place to go? Fenwick.

8. What is the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Shawn Hinote

9. What is your favorite drink? coffee...

10. How many siblings do you have? unbelievable...but i "think" i have 10.


11. What is your biggest fear? Boats, im dead afraid of them. I will not step foot on one.


12. What is your favorite tv show? Lost. but its not on anymore, so i dont watch any.
13. Where was your first kiss? Behind a garage on white avenue.

14. What color socks are you wearing? Pink and purple

15. What is one thing you hate the most? Politics


16. What is your biggest accomplishment to date? My two beautiful and smart children.
17. What is your favorite color? Purple

18. What do you like least about yourself? My ability to feel bad for others so easily.


19. What is your favorite hobby? Photography was...until I started getting paid for it.


20. What one thing could you not live without? Id say my phone, but thats pretty typical. So I gotta say my family...lol

I THINK THIS ONE WAS ENOUGH FOR ONE NIGHT.

I let my son's friend come over after school today. They were making these boe and arrows out of sticks in the back yard. When it was time for the phillies to come on, I told them it was time come inside. So this boy says to me..."Me and my dad went to a phillies game last week, but my dad didn't like it because they shut down the beer at 7:30".  That was what this boy took from going to a phillies game with his dad. Omg. He is only ten years old. If my son starts talking about that kinda stuff, I'm gonna lock his ass up in his room till he is 30.

Fool of yourself

He walks around forgotten
Hes told like nothing before
He doesnt know what he has gotten
He only knows what to stand for.

He powers me with thought
He walks on water and falls
Hes always so distraught
He chances and sometimes stalls.

He conquers without fault
He lies between the lines
He focuses on assault
He lays down all the signs.

He has no shadows aside
He screams without a word
He leaves nothing left untried
He is never left unheard.

He warms with his magic
He surpasses with his soul
He knows his life is tragic
He just plays the minor role.

I would love to dance with you.

Bring on the day that follows
Show me tomorrows sunset
The change and the challenge
Give me nothing worth regret.

Fight the box of worthy
Make true all the diffusion
Bring me to that place
Take away all of this confusion.

Un-fucking-believable.

Morning me.



I arranged for this song to be playing very quietly in the background at Kayla's funeral. There were three versions of it, that played. Me and my son, Nicholas would sing her this song. She would smile. When he would get close to her face and sing it, she would laugh. The first laugh I ever heard from her was when we were singing this song to her. After that, there were only a few times I got to hear her laugh. But its just one of those things that you don't forget. Even though it was incorporated into a sad moment, it was taken from one of the happiest moments. Simple, and unknown beauty.

My "new" brother James(Buck)...whom I havent met yet...just recently joined the marines, and then got married. I missed out on both. 

For as many nows that have been said...i havent seen a now yet. At least not with my EYES.

The Marines' Prayer

Almighty Father, whose command is over all and whose love never fails, make me aware of Thy presence and obedient to Thy will. Keep me true to my best self, guarding me against dishonesty in purpose in deed and helping me to live so that I can face my fellow Marines, my loved ones and Thee without shame or fear. Protect my family. Give me the will to do the work of a Marine and to accept my share of responsibilities with vigor and enthusiasm. Grant me the courage to be proficient in my daily performance. Keep me loyal and faithful to my superiors and to the duties my country and the Marine Corps have entrusted to me. Make me considerate of those committed to my leadership. Help me to wear my uniform with dignity, and let it remind me daily of the traditions which I must uphold.

If I am inclined to doubt; steady my faith; if I am tempted, make me strong to resist; if I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again. Guide me with the light of truth and grant me wisdom by which I may understand the answer to my prayer. Amen.

so, someone gave me some good advice.
they said: if the person wanted to be there, they would've been. 
thats an answer that could go along with hundreds of questions.

-all in all, theres a lot of fucked up ppl in this world.

More of my Blah-ness...

My day...blah...blah...blah. Yep. That just about sums my day up. It started out ok. It was a pretty easy morning. Even though I woke up later than I wouldve liked to. I accepted it. The sky was pretty outside. That made it nice to leave the house. Work was okay. Its after midnight now, and it seems like I just woke up. Where did my day go?

I often have days like this. Days that it seems like...it could have been filled with so much more. Now I know, that not everyday has to be completely filled and drawn out...and even though I probably have more of those filled and eventful days then anyone I know, its just nice to have them when they arent expected. Maybe it is just that. Maybe I am so used to things creating things, and creating more things. Overwhelming me. To have a normal day, didnt seem so normal to me. Kind of threw me off a little. Maybe I shouldnt take it for granted as much.

Anyways, I ended up drinking a little, and playing spoons with everyone. And no, not that kinda spoons. Its a card game. You use real spoons. (The ones you eat cereal with...omg) You use one less spoon then the number of people you have. When someone gets four cards of the same, they grab a spoon, secretly, and the one thats left without a spoon is out of the game. Its fun. My hands kinda hurt right now, but it was worth it. I got third place. Which isnt bad when you have nine people playing. So...I'm off to bed. Lets hope its an extremely uneventful night, maybe I'll actually be able to SLEEP.

Totally contradicting myself huh?

Midnight thirty

I look away and feel your eyes
I step again and cut my ties.

I reach for you but you werent there
I search for clues too hard to bear.

I blink just once and there it went
I dissapeared with no intent.

I collect my thoughts to share with you
I dared to follow and fell right through.

I delay my time to wait my turn
I claim the ground with lessons learned.

I swear someone sleeps inside. 

back to you

I see you in the morning,
shining through these trees,
I feel you in those moments,
blowing through the breeze.

I hear you whisper in my ear,
when the whole world makes no sense,
I think about you always,
as if your not past tense.

Your are my sunshine in the window,
my knocking at the door,
you are my warmth and my protection,
your the one I cry out for.

I feel your head on my shoulders,
I see your smile each night,
I spare you of sorrow,
This time I put up the fight.

I push away the darkness,
That holds you at arms length,
I turn around to see you,
and gather up my strength.

I open my eyes wide,
and stare up at the ceiling,
It was all just a dream,
I guess that was me dealing.

It hurts each and everyday,
its hard to paint my smile,
they say its supposed to get easier,
maybe i still have to wait a while.

Ive never been this weak,
to myself, or my world,
All paths lead back to you,
My sweet, little girl.

i hate when ppl tell u weird stuff at night and u go to bed thinking about it. it ruins the whole peaceful sleeping thing i had going on, and was looking forward to. some people still amaze me with the things they do, the things they say. u would think, that with everything ive had to deal with, id have nothing left to surprise me, well here, thats not the case. my day today was a little peaceful. maybe even too peaceful? on my drive home, it was lightning pretty bad out, maybe that was my warning...saying...uve had ur nice relaxing day, time for that to end now. whatever. this world cant throw anything at me that i cant handle. and if it could, i wouldnt admit it.

Shhhhhh...today is being quiet to me....don't ruin it.