The first straw

Just because I'm lost, doesn't mean I'm losing.

If I ever get the nerve to say goodbye to you, I will.

...never forget that.



My reckless mind.

Think of all the people in the world who do not have this. You, yourself, may just be one of those people. One thing though...its no ones fault but your own. Or is it?

Someone argued a similar point with me the other day. They told me, they don't agree with my theory of- You cannot blame those around you how your life turns out...You cannot say there is never another option if the situation you are in is wrong...

I truly believe that you, and you alone are responsible for how you live your life, what becomes of your world because of you, and how impact those around you.

Be someones reason to smile? Don't put yourself out there unless you're willing to be let down. All about.....number one.

I cant help but be scared...

I've been mean to people who didnt deserve it. I've been patient with those who hadnt earn it. I've been sweet to some for unreasonable reasons. I'm extremely selfish when I feel I need to be. I do get shy. I am confident of my abilities, but only sometimes let others know. I'm stupid when it comes to comfort. I'm crazy, and open about my craziness. I consider myself lucky to have such beautiful children, even though I dont believe in luck. At times, I'm ugly. I can be insensitive to others feelings more times than not. I am cynical in my own mind. I get angry easily. I dont get stressed often. I get scared more times than any one person should. I get lonely when I am surrounded by people.

What is wrong with me?

...yep, I already know.

If you get hurt it, I'll take your pain.

Tonight, someone told me that I was insecure, and that I dont tell anyone about me. This was followed by some pretty screwed up stuff, and some not so nice words.

It amazes me, how without knowing that I'm doing it, I take it. I am naive to think that this is normal. I consistently allow this to happen around me. I am always there for everyone. Even if being there means...to sit and listen to nonsense. I'm there.

But sometimes, it would be nice to have someone there for ME.

Sometimes the grass is greener...in someone else's yard.

I was not brought up in my life to know or to have all of the answers. I was not given an instruction guide on how to deal with certain situations that arise throughout life. I was not made aware that sometimes, things really are hard.

All I can do, is just make it through my day. Try the best, take the best from it, and give myself to what needs me.

If you ask me how I'm doing, I'd say I'm doing just fine. How would you know if I'm lying?

I miss Colorado days. I miss a lot of days. I miss all of the nonsense that you overlook as a kid.

Well...leave it to me to be so wrong once again. What was I thinking. I'm so over this day, next please.

Good morning world. Let's hope today turns out to be a good day.

Had a nice day today. Wish more days were like this. With the exception of one person not being here, it was nice.

Pretty sure I just did something I definately shouldnt have done. Why is it only afterwards that I realize this? ...because the actual moment...was amazing. 

What would I do w/out her?



She would've been here this day six years ago, but she was so stubborn. Just like me. I can't get this out of my head.

I hate that she's gone. It's made me a sad person. It's left me with no inspiration for what tomorrow will bring. Root cause kinda thing huh?

When will these days full of madness subside? I don't know how much more I can take. I'm giving it my final go at it. Wish me luck.

A certain someone did make my day just a little bit better today. Not sure how to take it, but I'm letting it continue. Shaky ground, I'm walking on, but like always, I'll be okay.

My day today was somewhat surprising. Friday the thirteenth happens again this month. Weird how I am probably the only one who remembers that it was only six years ago that this day fell in January. What happen to the seven day/seven year rule? Too much to think about tonight.

Uggghhh!! What the u know what? I did it again, I allowed it to overcome me. Why is that?

Oh that's right...because I'm an idiot.

Hey, by the way-

The real estate market. Are you kidding me?

Its no wonder that there are banks across the US filing for bankruptcy, going out of business, laying people off, etc. What did they think was going to happen? The man sitting in that pretty shiny high back office chair twenty years ago, had to of seen this coming, did he not? I try not to give my thoughts or opinions on things like this, because someone, somewhere wants to argue the point, but its hard not to.

If you were to call your bank right now, and ask them for your original documents on your mortgage, I guarantee you they would not be able to provide them. These documents, lay, covered in dust in some warehouse in the middle of no where. How can you hold someone to their loans without having complete, thorough paperwork. Do these banks not have competent lawyers on hand?

You are putting your name on the dotted line, beside someone in this crazy screwed up world. Having faith that they will come through on their end and be solid for years to come. Who in this world is solid?

Okay, sure, sometimes you have to take the chance. But when taking the chance, why wouldnt you cover all bases?

It pisses me off because now, because people are stupid. My time gets wasted because others don't know what they are doing. Ughhhh!!!