My Pretty Little Girl

Its been 4 years, 4 months, and 10 days. It sounds like so long ago. Every detail is still etched into my mind. I can't remember what I did yesterday, not for the life of me. But the details, of this, so long ago, I remember. The by far- worst day of my life. I guess that would be hard to forget, huh? Everyone told me, just give it time. Everything will be ok. Give it time, you will feel better. Give it time, things will work themselves out. Well things are not ok, I do not feel better, and it sometimes seems like nothing works out. How can I stop missing her? She may not be here, and her things, her clothes, her stuff...may not be in plain sight, but shes here. She is within me, each and every second of everyday. I wake up with her, and get through my day with her, I work hard with her, I go to sleep with her, I dream with her, I have nightmares with her. She is in my heart, in my soul, on my mind, and isn't going anywhere. I couldn't live without her then, and now that she is gone, I continue to not be able to live without her. I take her with me, wherever I go. There is so much guilt, and pressure, and sadness within me. I put on a pretty face in the morning, I smile when I am expected to. I put an image out of myself, that I am ok, that I do feel better, that I can work things out. But its a fake. Inside, I am guilt stricken. I am sad, and sad a lot. My beautiful baby girl would be 4 years old right now. It shadows me. It hurts me. It saddens me. She was taken from me. Its said, that God doesn't do things without reasons. Well God, I'm still waiting for those reasons. I'm still waiting to know why you took my beautiful little girl from me. If this God really existed, and did these things, purposely, then how can so many people in this crazy screwed up world look up to him. Look up to him for anything. Makes no sense.