So...I went onto facebook earlier and was trying to respond to someones post...when I noticed a post by someone else. This was a family members post, talking about how her four year old is in love with some singer or whatever. Now all day, all week, I did pretty good. In fact, considering I am no fan of holidays, I did damn good. This post, was by someone who had a daughter just a few months after Kayla was born. So now, in my head...I picture MY Kayla. As a four year old. Its unbelievable. It only takes an instant to bring memories and sorrow into my head. It screws me up beyond belief. Its not fair. Now I know, that there isn't much in life that is fair, but some things, some things should be. Either way, I can complain and whine and pity myself, but what good does that do? I hold my thoughts and feelings with the utmost importance, so when I have uncertainty throughout my day, I take it in, and soak it up. Being sad is sad. Its part of life though. I just wish it wasn't staring me in my face every which way I turned.

Whats worse, is this particular family member. I have distanced myself from her. We used to be very close. When we would run into each other at family outings or parties, I would associate, but that would be it. When I see her with her daughter, I try to picture my daughter. What she would look like. I think...so that is how big she would be..while looking at this little girl that isn't my little girl. I would think...her hair would be that long by now...or she would be that tall. I know it probably stems from being envious, or jealous, or angry because she still has her daughter, and I don't have mine. Its horrible to have thoughts like that, but I have them.


Anyways, I'm off to bed. That pretty bed of mine is calling my name. Goodnight!