I had a pretty nice day today. I was able to actually relax and forget about the world for a while. Everyone needs days like this. I'm sure I missed out on lots, but so what. Everyone that wasnt with me missed out on lots too. It was just a missed out good day.
Its really late. I slept lots today, and of course, I cannot fall asleep now. I hate night time. It opens up time, quiet time. Quiet time leads to thinking. Thinking leads to madness. Madness leads to pretty much anything and everything else.
I tried to finish my letter to "my new dad". I wrote one sentence, and closed the page. It feels useless to me. Why am I supposed to be sharing my time on this person. I lived for 26 years without him sharing his time with me. Is that not supposed to matter? Am I supposed to forget about that? Of course when I decide to not do this, and get myself thinking...I get nonsense put into my head. It makes me sad. I get sad a lot. It comes and goes. Only for a few seconds here and there. But it comes.
I wouldnt be me if that didnt happen. Tonight was weird though. There wasnt one thing specific that brought this. Normally, I see something, or think of a moment, or hear something that reminds me of her. Not this time. It was almost like a presence. Even right now, I feel it. Like, if I were to look up, I would see her. Staring back at me. I wont look up though. Because if I look up and she isnt there, it will be a sad dissapointment. Is that me just being selfish?
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