Love missed hate

This is one of those moments in life that I realize now...changed me forever. I still have not been able to determine whether it was a good change, or bad. All change is supposed to be good for you though, right? 

What I do know- I have fallen so completely, madly, and unintentionally in love with you. 

There have been a million moments I have experienced since I've met you that I wished you away. I wished you out of my mind. I wished not to miss you. I wished that you wouldn't leave. I wished that you would share the same feelings. I wished that you'd forget my name. I wished to forgive you. I wished to know your thoughts. I wished you dead. I wished I didn't hate you. I wished I wasn't so wrapped around thoughts of you. I wished I didn't give great things up for you. I wished for you.

I found myself at a point in which I had to give you up. You left me no choice. I knew that you loved me. I knew that you couldn't imagine life without me. I knew I had to move on. It was probably the hardest thing, the hardest choice that I have made in a very long time. I missed you like crazy. I missed your voice. I missed your laugh. I missed your face. I missed you singing to me. I missed you telling me bedtime stories. I missed you yelling at me. I missed chasing you. I missed your eyes staring into mine. I missed hearing your heartbeat. I missed the best part of my days. I missed everything. I missed the love of my life. 

You waited forty days to tell me that you are in love with me. Forty. I still cannot believe you allowed me to be so stubborn for forty days. I asked myself a question a while back about whether you would miss me if I was gone. I was a hundred percent positive that I would never get that answered. One hundred. But I did. I hate the fact that it took me leaving for you to realize this. I hate that I had to cut you off for you to learn how to share those feelings. I hate that you waited until the most inopportune time to jump into the game. I hate that I am still so much in love with you today, as ever, that I was unable to be mad at you. I hate that each day, I want nothing but to be with you. I hate that this crazy life I am living had to go forty days without you. I hate that I have no idea where this love of ours will take us. I hate that you were so stubborn before. I hate you. 

But at the very same time, I am so in love with you.