Okay, so I did it. It's only the second day into the year and I've already given up one of my three resolutions.
I know that things aren't different between us. Things are still over, but it's hard. This doesn't change that.
I tried not to call him. I tried not to text him. I tried not to contact him in any way. I made that one of my resolutions. To get over him. To do this, I would have to force myself to delete him completely from my life.
But then he texted me. A simple "hello".
I fought and fought with myself. But I always give into this. I thought, what's the harm?? I dialed his number, then cancelled. Four times. When I finally did it the fifth time, I felt nervous. Nervous.
It was as though nothing had changed between us. Like it was just a normal thing. It felt so right to talk to him. It was like nothing had happened.
When you throw out the fact that we are in love with each other, that we were meant to be together, that we were made for each other- it's leaves my best friend. He is my best friend.
How do you live without your best friend?
I'm not going to give up this resolution. I'm going to start over again tomorrow without him. I'm going to fight myself when I get that urge to call him. I'm going to pretend he doesn't exist in this world.
But for an hour today, I had my best friend again.
I love him, with my entire being. I am so in love with him that I can't think straight sometimes. He isn't good for me though. He's like a bad habit that I cannot kick. Destiny wants us to be together, but pushes us apart at the same time.
It's going to be a great loss I will have to live with, but
I will move on without him.
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