Yesterday's flowers

I'm going in today with a positive outlook. Its early. I got to actually sleep last night. So we will see.

I feel a little better today. I think its due time to go see her. The first year, I visited her everyday. Sometimes twice a day. I began to spend so much of my time in this cemetary just to feel close to her. My goal of everyday was to visit her. When the skies were cloudy, I would visit her more than once. When it rained, I would visit her and stay extra long so that she knew everything was ok. So she knew she didnt have to be scared. Because I was there. Each day, I'd bring her new flowers. Id take the flowers from the day before and sit them on a neighboring stone.

After a little over a year of doing this...I met this person. This person who made me see that I didnt have to be sitting atop of a mound of dirt and grass for her to know I was there. This person I met only once, and never again. Strange as it sounds, its true. It was hard. It was a difficult process to get over. I missed her each second of everyday. I still do. Only now, I am able to miss her and still feel okay about it.

It is time to go see her. To take pretty yellow flowers to her. To, if nothing else, show myself, I still can without completely breaking down.