Sitting here, at the table. Fighting to get in bed. Unable to move.

It just came to me. As though you came in, kissed my cheek, and left. I got this feeling. Pure anguish. Pure sadness. Still. I'm not used to being so alone. I am not used to being by myself. Its a dangerous place for me. It leaves me vulnerable to my feelings. I can't handle feelings of any kind very well, and this is so heartbreaking for me. I cant deal with it, not alone.

The universe is pulling me in so many different directions, that I have found myself lost.

I stare at your photo. I remember the specific day. I still keep that hat of yours in my top drawer. It helps me to remember moments when I see it. I have been struggling with that lately, and I am surrounded by nothing that helps me.