The past few days..

These past few days for me...have been a combination of both amazing adventures, and dissapointing findings.

Someone told a story aloud yesterday, that almost brought me to tears. The worse feeling in the world is when you can feel yourself wanting to cry- but you have to hold it back.

Somewhere in the story, it got to the point of explaining how this woman was  giving away her son's clothing. The son had just passed away...and this woman was crying while taking the clothes from off of the hanger.

I remember this feeling. The break down. The pole in the closet four feet from the ground. The space that housed her pretty dresses, and not yet worn outfits. When all was said and done...left empty.

That was probably the first moment I was alone, that I actually felt the reality of it all. She was gone. Her things were gone. No more crying. No more smiles. No more songs.

No more ladybugs. My life as I knew it- was over.




I woke up this morning sad. Given the circumstances and whom I was able to spend my morning with, I should have been the happiest and most content person in the world. But something changed. Magic was lost. Another moment of reality setting in. Staring me in my face.

No more Good nights. My life as I knew it- was over, again.



Its now time to move on. To start from the beginning once again. To build up without giving up. Its going to take a lot of me to get through this. Its going to burn the already burnt out part on me to the point of shutting down.

I once said- I'm not lonely, I'm just alone. That's not really working for me much anymore.