Jimmy

So...Ive been trying to write this letter to this new dad of mine. Its hard. Its really hard. Everytime i start writing to him, i get mad at myself for even doing it to begin with. I am such a chicken. I need to learn how to be mean more often. This is what I have so far...


Dear Jimmy
     So, I know that i've never spoken to you, or seen you, but they say your my dad. My biological dad. Its kinda hard not to believe considering I look so much like ur daughters. I'm still very confused about things. I feel helpless. I feel like no one can answer the thousands of questions I have. But at the same time, it almost seems like I shouldn't care. I am not a little girl right now. I am completely grown up. Why now? Why would something like this surface only now? Its been 26 years, I went 26 years without knowing a thing about it. Or maybe just ignorant to the fact that it was a possibility. My head is taking me back and forth with this. I cannot make a decision, which is very out of character for me.
     I am 26 years old. I have two beautiful children. Two children, that pretty much define who I am today. My son, Nicholas, is 10 years old. He is bright, and wonderful. He is caring, and very sensitive. He is my heart. My daughter, Ciara, is 3 years old. She is the greatest gift that God could ever have given to me. Of all the bad that has happened to me, I dont resent him for, only because I have her. She is beautiful, and smart. She is full of wonders and amazement. She is me, a spitting image of myself at that age I'm sure.
I grew up with a pretty good life. It wasn't always the best, but it was mine, and I made it the best. I have 5 brothers and sisters, all of which look nothing like me. My parents never brought things like this up, and I am almost thankful for it. I am so grateful to have my siblings though. They have brought me so much good and bad, that I could never imagine living life without them. They were my best friends growing up. They were there. Even now, they are there for me. So, in a way, it was a blessing that I never knew, and that things ended up this way.