Meanwhile...at home...

But what if you want a man who is a wild beast...WITH ethics? :)

Break his world apart

But how do you forget about the guy who hasn't yet forgotten about you?

I try not to think like this...but over the last few weeks...when I have decisions to be made like this, or advice...I'd think to myself- What would my dad tell me to do?

He would tell me to rid my life of anyone who makes me unhappy. He would tell me to leave behind anyone who makes me feel less than amazing. 

Time to start this walking the walk and talking the talk.

And in the morning...when I rise...

Where do I start? If I could give someone just one piece of advice when it comes to love, it would be- do not get yourself involved into a relationship with an egotistical ass. (obvious...I know)

I find myself feeling stuck right now. I feel as though I cannot walk away, but at the same time- I'm sooooo unhappy. I absolutely love him. I am in love with him. He is someone that I cannot imagine living one day without. But at the very same time- he is a jackass. He doesn't seem to care about the very same things that are so important to me. He seems to take me for granted. He seems like a waste of my time. 

I spent half of my life with a guy who turned out to be someone who disgusts me now. Someone that put me through so much bullshit and nonsense. Before I knew it, 15 years of my life was wasted. 

I don't want to waste any more of my life. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to feel appreciated and FEEL loved. Its one thing to tell me that you love me. Its a whole other to actually make me feel as though you do. 

I just want someone who is there to tell me that everything is going to be alright. 

Please don't bury me....down in...

He's gone. The first man I looked up at when I was born. The first man I depended on. The first man I looked up to. The first man I loved. My dad is gone.

My greatest hero. Gone.

The feeling I have inside of me is unimaginable. The sadness is hidden, but its there. It feels that I have yet to grieve for him. Its been 15 days since he died. I still envision him being there at the kitchen table when I walk into his house. I keep thinking of things I want to tell him about. I keep remembering times we had. I search around me for clues from him. Pieces of him. Anything. But I get nothing.

Its hard to believe that he is gone. Its hard to believe that I will never see him again.

No more late night music sessions. No more 15 mph drives. No more Colorado stories. No more Johnny Rotten.