And in the morning...when I rise...

Where do I start? If I could give someone just one piece of advice when it comes to love, it would be- do not get yourself involved into a relationship with an egotistical ass. (obvious...I know)

I find myself feeling stuck right now. I feel as though I cannot walk away, but at the same time- I'm sooooo unhappy. I absolutely love him. I am in love with him. He is someone that I cannot imagine living one day without. But at the very same time- he is a jackass. He doesn't seem to care about the very same things that are so important to me. He seems to take me for granted. He seems like a waste of my time. 

I spent half of my life with a guy who turned out to be someone who disgusts me now. Someone that put me through so much bullshit and nonsense. Before I knew it, 15 years of my life was wasted. 

I don't want to waste any more of my life. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to feel appreciated and FEEL loved. Its one thing to tell me that you love me. Its a whole other to actually make me feel as though you do. 

I just want someone who is there to tell me that everything is going to be alright. 

Do you want to listen to it?

Waiting for someone is hard. Eventually you get to the point of questioning. 

"Is it worth it"? 

At which time is it okay to let go of something you've been committed to for so long? Just when you think you are stuck in the ways of the world that surround you...something great comes along and makes you wonder why you wasted so much time standing on the sides of it. 

I don't know exactly where this will lead me, and I don't know where I want it to go just yet...but I do know that it makes me happy. That's what matters right? 

I've gone through so much nonsense this past year in my life, and I am a thousand times sure that it is not over just yet. With that said...I am ready to be happy again. I am not waiting around. I am not going to be the girl who sits in the corner...full of sadness...waiting for my turn. I will not.