I am sooooooooo under appreciated! At least my bed loves me!

I'm not mean, I just say what everybody else keeps in their heads.

Ok, so maybe just a little. But what can be expected? Seriously? One person's idea of mean is not the same as another's. If I have something I feel you need to hear, I will say it. I am straight and to the point most of the time. Thats how everyone should be. I am not going to pretend or fake a smile. So...with that being said, when you ask me an opinion, I'm gonna tell ya. Whether you like my answer or not, doesnt matter to me.


See how mean I can be?

S.M.

can you spell asshole? cuz im pretty sure i could teach u. i have yet to get anything nice outta yet. wtf does that say about u? u could be just a little bit of a non asshole sometimes. :)

If I actually did "live like theres no tomorrow"...I'd be in jail.

No one ever thinks about things like that when they tell someone something like that. They see it as...go ahead, take the chance, just go for it. People sometimes forget the responsibilities that lie behind everyone. Yeah, its nice to be about to say screw it sometimes, and just do it...but u pick ur battles. You choose which are worth the consequences. You lead urself into those possibilities. Its that big thing that in put into the category of what the...fuck. Easier said then done. Each day, if I really did what I wanted to do...I would be in a pile of what the....well u know. Just imagine...morning drive to work...someone pisses you off for walking across the street slow...and ur already late...makes u want to run em over. What if you did? When that one person that you dont want to speak to...but you know u have to...comes to talk to you....and all you want to do is turn around and walk the other way. What if you did? Id even say...when you want nothing but to go into a dark room and do unimaginable things with someone else...but u know u shouldnt. What if you did? Theres lots of what if's going around. The only way to make that what if...into wow...is to do those things...and take those chances. But what are the consequences? What are the resposibilities of doing any of them? No matter what the action is, theres always outcome.

Some people live their wholes lives with the complete opposite motto. I don't know. Its nice to try sometimes.  On occasion...that is what second chances were created for I guess. We'll just have to wait and see.

How do I go from one thing...to a whole different thing. Luckily...I'm usually the only one who interprets that.

And the worst part is, I knew that all of this was going to happen...

What can I say? I could have either been super whatever and saved u...or I couldve done what I did. Whatever. Your all grown up. You don't listen to me or anyone else anyways. After the thirty times I've tried, I think I can pretty much say...I tried enough. There comes a time in everyones life where they need to learn their own lessons, by themselves. This is your turn. Its pretty pathetic that it comes down to a situation like this to actually come to the realization of whats going on. Where did common sense go? Where did instincts go? Apparently...they left your ass a long time ago. Whats even more sad...that I will be the one feeling bad for you when you can't help yourself. Pathetic.

LALALA

You.

You drive me crazy. You make me think I'm crazy more often than I actually am. (hopefully?) On any other given day, time, moment, I am Me. I don't get scared, or nervous, or weird. I'm very to the point, and don't question anything once I make my choice, or say I'm going to do something. When it comes to You though...its the complete opposite. You are mean to me, and you make fun of me, and laugh at me, and piss me off. I cuss at you in my head probably twenty times a day. It takes a lot for me to get mad or angry. It doesn't happen very often. With You...it sometimes does. You make me think too much sometimes. I don't know any meanings behind all of your crazy talk. That is, unless I pry it out of you. You make me think about things that I normally would never think about. That may be a good thing. I dunno. We both made a deal with each other a long time ago, and I'm pretty sure that neither one of us has kept to it. When I say something to you, and it sounds like I am very confident, its probably because I am.  You are that way too, but with you...there's a little cockiness and attitude behind it.

You didn't think I was gonna tell you all the good stuff did you? That would put me in the not such a bitch after all position...and we couldn't have that.


ALL IN ALL...I WOULDN'T HAVE YOU ANY OTHER WAY. (BETTER?)

Love, Miranda?

I just found out that my "new" brother James will be going to Afghanistan Jan 1st. Hes young. My youngest brother...I think. I havent met him yet. I was planning on going to meet him in a few months, but thats probably not the best of ideas right now. Maybe I'll go next week..when I am on vacation...I dunno. It just sux to hear something like that. I'd ask GOD to pray for him, but that would go against everything I believe. Hope. Hope. Hope...or Nothing.


He signed his letter to me....Love, Buck.

Am I supposed to sign my letter back...Love, Miranda???

I dunno what my thoughts there are.

For some reason...I just got this really strong feeling. Mr. Turner...I hope u are ok. I just tried looking for u...with no luck.

.................................

IM GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT THE MEAN NESS OUTTA YOU. WHATCHA GONNA DO THEN??

Deck the halls with bells of holly???

HAD TO DO IT, I HATED THAT PICTURE

When I see pictures of myself, I think...OMG...what the fuck was I thinking???

So...after an "OK" day...late night...I get home. I walk in the door, go downstairs, get dressed and what not. I go upstairs, and I swear I saw something fall from my ceiling. But nothing was there. Talk about crazy. Must be my mind playing tricks on me again. :)

So...I went onto facebook earlier and was trying to respond to someones post...when I noticed a post by someone else. This was a family members post, talking about how her four year old is in love with some singer or whatever. Now all day, all week, I did pretty good. In fact, considering I am no fan of holidays, I did damn good. This post, was by someone who had a daughter just a few months after Kayla was born. So now, in my head...I picture MY Kayla. As a four year old. Its unbelievable. It only takes an instant to bring memories and sorrow into my head. It screws me up beyond belief. Its not fair. Now I know, that there isn't much in life that is fair, but some things, some things should be. Either way, I can complain and whine and pity myself, but what good does that do? I hold my thoughts and feelings with the utmost importance, so when I have uncertainty throughout my day, I take it in, and soak it up. Being sad is sad. Its part of life though. I just wish it wasn't staring me in my face every which way I turned.

Whats worse, is this particular family member. I have distanced myself from her. We used to be very close. When we would run into each other at family outings or parties, I would associate, but that would be it. When I see her with her daughter, I try to picture my daughter. What she would look like. I think...so that is how big she would be..while looking at this little girl that isn't my little girl. I would think...her hair would be that long by now...or she would be that tall. I know it probably stems from being envious, or jealous, or angry because she still has her daughter, and I don't have mine. Its horrible to have thoughts like that, but I have them.


Anyways, I'm off to bed. That pretty bed of mine is calling my name. Goodnight!

barenaked ladies- break your heart....love this song!

My Pretty Tuesday

I hate tuesdays. What is the point of a day like tuesday? It doesnt signify anything, and its rarely used for much planning. It is just a crappy day to have within your week. That being said... I love you tuesdays.

Again, like I've mentioned before, I may very well be crazy. But who isn't???

I've had some pretty interesting experiences lately. Nothing illegal, or unthought of, or out of the ordinary to most. To me though, it is just some here and there kinda moments. Anyways, I have had lots thrown at me to think about. I've had lots of newness, that I never thought I'd have. Its almost overwhelming at times, but so what. I can handle it tho. :)

YOU

My words for you are unrecognizable. When you allow feelings to be brought into the mix, its a whole other ballpark you're playing in. And by allow, I mean....what did u think was going to happen...hello??? Let me just say, it was very uncool. VERY.

To tell someone how to treat someone? To tell someone not to be nice to someone? To be offended that you can be half decent when speaking to someone. Seriously? That, in itself is ONE of my reasons. JUST ONE.

Happiness...seems a lot like sorrow...or not?

Ive decided that I should send a letter back. Thats the right thing to do, right? Either way, doesnt matter. Im going to do it. I hate that I get so drawn and pushed back and forth with these kinda things. Everyday, all day, I can make a decision, without questioning myself. When it comes to things like this, I cant. I second guessed myself with this. I have to quit doing that. I am working on it though.

Anyways, my day went pretty well. With the exception of a few moments throughout, which peoples just decided it would be a good idea to piss me off a little. But all in all, it was an ok day. To be able to say that, is beyond good enough.

One day I'll be happy? No. Everyday, at least once, I am happy. Its an emotion. Not a timeline, or event that just happens. People tend not to remember that. They take what they have for granted, and put out so much negative emotions, that it nearly kills them and everyone around them. Ok...maybe not kill...but u know what I mean.

The worse thing to happen at three am when u are dead tired? Not being able to get back to sleep. Having to wake up in three hours doesnt help either...

So...I actually finished it. Can you believe it?? It only took me a week and a half...but who was counting??

Boo F-ING Hoooooooooo

So, I got a letter back from my "real" dad a few days ago. It was really sad. When I collect my thoughts on it, I'll tell ya all about it. It is very...very...hard to grasp for me. I dunno.

Anyways, im not feeling all that great. Sleep isnt helping, Medicine isnt working. So...im gonna go make a nice cup of hot tea, and hide from the world. Goodnight!!