Every once in a while...it peeks through the curtains. It shadows itself right smack in front of me. Although its never REALLY gone...its easier to pretend that it is.
I miss her so much. Easter is coming up in just one week. I'm seeing those baskets and candy in the aisles at the markets. I am watching mothers and children awe at the sign of the chocolate shaped bunnies. All I see is anguish when I look that way. I see reminders of that horrible day. I see reminders that I will never see her again. I see my life's greatest loss flash in front of me like spot lights glimmering on my face...blinding me.
I used to take her into the bathroom with me when I would take showers. I was afraid to leave her side. I wanted her to be near me, I needed her to be near me. I would place her in her car seat, and put her in the doorway, so I could see her through the curtain.
I cannot remember her cry. I cannot remember what it sounded like. I search my mind day in and day out for memories that are slowly slipping away. Its said- that it gets easier as time passes. That- you eventually dont feel the pain so much. I guess this was originally said when people began to forget the horrible things that had happened. Those who have succumb to the idea that its okay now. I cannot accept that. Not for the life of me, can I accept it.
