A day to celebrate
when our nation won the score
a time spent to remember
the brave men of the war.
These men, they left their homes
their lives, their family
to go off in the darkness
to fight for our country.
This day is not just for
the ones who survived
it is also to celebrate
all the men that have died.
They fought for their nation
with pride in their eyes
hey fought with their heads held up
but some fled with goodbyes.
Known today, as Veterans Day
about the ones who sacrificed and died
as well as the great men
who fought, and survived.

Someone once sent this to me...never read it...found it one year later..

Round and Round.

When you aren't around
my feet touch the ground
and though this sudden landing has made me faint
not having you with me is my only complaint
When you aren't around
its so easy to wear a frown
much like my better half is gone
i feel like no ones here, i feel alone.
When you aren't around
my spirits feel down
like a kite with to much weight
i've taken all i can take.
When you aren't around
i experience a sorrow so renown
that i can scarcly do a thing
but thats the pain loneliness brings.
I know its only been a day since we last talked
but i don't like going that long without saying hi
and i know its a battle thats worth being fought
i just wanted you to know..

when you aren't around, my heart cries

Sun Aug 29

Nadda.

you gotta be kidding me

So my day today went pretty smoothly. With the exception of the last few hours. I woke up on time, did everything I needed to do. If only everyday could be so good. I didn't get one word from the one I wanted one word from, but other than that, it was nice. You know those moments you have throughout your day when u think to yourself..."you gotta be kidding me"....well I had a whole lot of those. It amazes me how many people bring that thought to my mind. Its unbelievable. But then again, I'm sure I do the same to everyone else. So like the saying admits........whats comes around, goes around.

Evening thought...When you love someone, how far are you supposed to go for them? When is enough, enough? You share your life with this someone, you give them your all. When do you decide that what you're getting back in return just isn't enough? When you start to feel something inside die, does that mean you should let go? Or...is that when you fight even harder to keep this love. What is considered out of control love? What is the difference between out-of-control-love, and love-out-of-control? Where do those boundaries lie...have they been layed down...do they exist...oh so many questions I have!!!

Sat Aug 28

Nada.

No Ridicule

 I don't know how you do it
Or even if its done
Living like that
Can't be much fun.
Can't see how you put up with it
Surprised you're not gone
Who knows, maybe you love it
Or you just can't move on.
I will not ridicule
I will not disagree
I will not scream or fight
But hey that's just me.
It is your choice
To stay or let go
Just can't help but wonder
Why you didn't say no.
Maybe you have your reasons
But I also have mine
I want to see you happy
I want to see you "fine".

My Pretty Little Girl

Its been 4 years, 4 months, and 10 days. It sounds like so long ago. Every detail is still etched into my mind. I can't remember what I did yesterday, not for the life of me. But the details, of this, so long ago, I remember. The by far- worst day of my life. I guess that would be hard to forget, huh? Everyone told me, just give it time. Everything will be ok. Give it time, you will feel better. Give it time, things will work themselves out. Well things are not ok, I do not feel better, and it sometimes seems like nothing works out. How can I stop missing her? She may not be here, and her things, her clothes, her stuff...may not be in plain sight, but shes here. She is within me, each and every second of everyday. I wake up with her, and get through my day with her, I work hard with her, I go to sleep with her, I dream with her, I have nightmares with her. She is in my heart, in my soul, on my mind, and isn't going anywhere. I couldn't live without her then, and now that she is gone, I continue to not be able to live without her. I take her with me, wherever I go. There is so much guilt, and pressure, and sadness within me. I put on a pretty face in the morning, I smile when I am expected to. I put an image out of myself, that I am ok, that I do feel better, that I can work things out. But its a fake. Inside, I am guilt stricken. I am sad, and sad a lot. My beautiful baby girl would be 4 years old right now. It shadows me. It hurts me. It saddens me. She was taken from me. Its said, that God doesn't do things without reasons. Well God, I'm still waiting for those reasons. I'm still waiting to know why you took my beautiful little girl from me. If this God really existed, and did these things, purposely, then how can so many people in this crazy screwed up world look up to him. Look up to him for anything. Makes no sense.

           Meeting sister for the very first time. Amazing.


Hey I think it is so cool I knew all of them when I was 16 that was the first time we all met, I would see Dad around here and there like while I was waiting for the bus for school I am so glad to have the oppurtunity to build relationships with everyone, I look forward to meeting you and my neice and nephew. and Melissa as well I have never met her yet either and the 3 of us are so close I just don't drive right now but we will have to figure something out. That is crazy that you guys went to school together. How did you find out that dad was your dad? That man sure got around back in his day. LOL Anyway I havve a 9 yr old also Kyle and just recently got married about 5 weeks ago we live over in Parkside I invited Melissa to come to my reception party on 8/29 I am hoping she will be able to make it I would love it if you and your kids could make it as well!! There is an inground pool and horeshoes and basketball lots of food and drinks so let me know if you can make it that would be really awesome!! Have fun at lunch tell Melissa I said HI. get back to me babe.  --Carrie

Wow

It gets me everytime. Whats a girl to do??

Some Lazy Thursdays Going On

So...I went into my day, excited to begin it. Unsure of what I'd be doing. Nervous to experience new things. Worried about certain people. Missing one small person. Mad I woke up later than I planned. Afraid I was missing out on more important stuff. Upset with the one person that is always supposed to be there for me. I was a whole bunch of everything all jumbled into one person waking up and beginning their day. So I dealt with it, with much appreciation, outstanding enthusiasm, and impressive reaction as any one person could have. I didn't learn much. I wasn't surprised by much. The only thing that stuck with me throughout my whole day was his eyes. Those "deep" eyes. Those" somewhat guilty" eyes. Those "pulling me in" eyes. Those "nervous" eyes. Those "confident" eyes. Those "cocky" eyes. Those "strong" eyes. Those eyes. Its ashame that all I got to see was the back of those eyes. My day probably wouldnt have ended the way it has if I had. I wouldn't be sad, or blank, or blah. I set myself up for things like this. I did it to myself. What was I suppose to expect. My expectations are completely unreasonable. I may very well be one crazy person, but this HE does it to me, and he knows he does. He secretly takes it for granted, and I know. Emotional affairs are for the birds. Lookout trees, here I come!

So my "real" dad is in the hospital. Im not sure whats going on there, but i'm debating on whether to call him or not. If i called now, it would be a pity call right? But, if something bad happens, and he doesnt make it...I'll have to live with NEVER having spoke one word to my "real" dad, NEVER hearing his voice. Is that something I'm willing to live with?

Its gonna be a looonnng day. What i was waiting for though...right?