My great escape

When I think about tomorrow, I get frightened by the mere thought of waking up to it. As the minutes turn into hours within my days, I wait. Patiently, I wait. I'm never completely sure of what it is I am waiting for, but I always like to think that I am waiting for the good in life. Sometimes I'm not clear whether I should be waiting. Most say that you've got to contribute to the world to taste the good in it. They say that just waiting around for this good is a waste of time, and will get you nowhere. 

With the presence of this judgement, I can't help but think- what is it I should be doing? How do I fill the blank days when I don't have the necessities to make something out of it? 

How do I know the difference between what I should be doing and what I could be doing? 

I need some serious guidance here. 

My "goodnights"

Its two in the morning, and I cannot sleep. No matter what I try, it doesn't help. I can only guess that I do this to myself. I allow my mind to be filled with such madness, and expect myself to hold the ability of putting it to rest so easily. For some unknown reason, I just got extremely angry. Out of no where. It's what I do. Call it what you want, but sometimes it's normal for me. Maybe I am too strong willed, or too stubborn, or too crazy for my own good. Either which way, I don't care.

Take it or leave it, right?


Side note...everyone has that one person that can level themselves off when the need to is there. Someone to make you laugh when there's not much to laugh about. Someone to make you smile when you're sad. Someone to yell at you when you need a reality check. Someone who will listen to your BS when no one else wants to hear it. Someone that makes you feel safe, even when they are miles away from you. Someone that has taken the role of no expectations needed and given you a world of great expectations. I'm very thankful that I have one of these people in my life. As much as I complain and get angry at them, at the end of the day, I know they've got my back. No matter what I filled their day with, they're always there. I hope everyone in this messed up world finds someone like that to be their friend too.

My eyes are tired. No matter what I do, I cant fall asleep. WTF is going on?

It seems I'm getting used to 5 hours of sleep and 19 hours of everything else. If only there wasnt so much of everything else.

OMG...just thought about it, tuesday...one more year older. Where did the time go?

Anyways, I can't sleep...I can't do anything productive...I can't think clearly...therefore....I'm going out.

Goodnight!!