One of the worst feelings in the world is when there isn't a soul in the world that has faith in you. When you, yourself, feel hopeless. When you wake up in the morning and don't want to face the day. When you realize that the life you've made for yourself really is a bucket of nothing. When the bad far outweighs the good because good does not exist.
This weight is unbearable. Its unfair. This is when you are stuck. It's in this moment when you find yourself wondering if you are up for the fight. Is the fight worth it? How can you be sure you want to fight? The fear of not knowing if it will work stops you in your tracks. It's like staring down that barrel, in hopes it won't shoot. Hope is hard to come by though, so you fail to have the desire to stare.
I try to understand the reasoning behind the struggles I am faced with. Why is this happening? What did I do to get myself into this mess? How could I have avoided it? How do I get out of it? Can I get out of it? Will things ever be better? Will I ever be content?
