Exciting things today. Big things happening. If you're not part of it, you're missing out on Miranda.

I had the best, most refreshing day today. I forget so easily to stop and give my attention to things I normally miss, that I lose out on so much. I got to visit with my favorite guys this morning, and then had a pretty good day at work. All in all, it was great day.

Turns out that my 90 day challenge probably won't take as long as I thought it would. Today is the first day that I was actually almost okay without it. Something that was so much of my days up until yesterday, now seems like it will be alright to not have. Somewhat, I guess. What choice do I have though?

Its hard. But I'll be okay. A pretty smile on the pretty face, makes the world wonder. Might as well try it.

The word amazing doesn't really mean that much to me anymore.

I wake up to you...but I still miss you.

You're everywhere.

No words can take away my pain, my anguish, my torture, from not having you here. I miss you more than ever imaginable. No one knows this of course. But I do. Everyone looks at me, and just assumes that I am okay. Ninety percent of the time, I'm not.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Its hard. Its hard to get through days like this. Even if only for a moment...it takes a lot for me to get through it. It comes and goes.  More coming than going I'm sure.

I looked in the mirror...seen my eyes...filled with temptation...thats where it started.

He makes me sad. I already have so many things in my life that make me sad. Why did this crazy screwed up universe put him into my world. Havent I had enough, havent I dealt with the worst, why now?

Its so hard not to put myself in the middle, so hard to keep my feelings at arms legnth. How do I stop this, how do I move on, how do I exceed all expectations and be okay.

It just isnt right.

Then you got that look in your eyes..

The room was filled with floral print couches...baskets of flowers...red carpet...and one small box on legs. Inside this box, she lay there, in peace...dressed in her beautiful easter dress...with her pretty hat atop her head. Her body was cool, she had the cutest little slippers on those tiny toes. She was bigger...just a little bigger. Beautiful dark hair, longer than most her age.

This box, lined with pink shiny cushion. Her eyes were glued shut, it was thick and rough glue. Her head had been cut open along her hair line, and glued back together. The pretty hat covered this though. Her small hands and fingers, all still there. I placed her hands inside of mine. I couldve fit three of her tiny hands into one of mine. My little girl. Gone.

So i didnt complete or suceed at this 30 day challenge of mine. It pretty much went right out the window the moment I saw him. Isnt that horrible?

So I am turning my 30 day...into a 90 day challenge. Gotta give myself some time...things dont get swept up and out that easily. Wish me luck. Its gonna be harder than I thought it would be.