I used to call you my everything

I find myself wondering...what if things turned out differently. What if I stuck around for just one more hurdle. Where would I be at now? Would I have so many issues and problems going on...or would todays problems be replaced with new problems that included you?

When thoughts like this come to my brain...it is only at times when my mind is weak. When I feel like giving up. I have spent so much of my time and effort trying to make this work. Trying to do this on my own. I may have had some regrets in there...but they are my regrets. Not shared with anyone. Not someone else's burdens placed upon my shoulders. 

I have so many amazing and happy memories with you. Its hard to regret something that gave me so much at the time giving was happening. So..now...my only regret...is letting myself stay as long as I did. Allowing myself to endure your nonsense. I dont know where my life is going to go from here, but I do know...that I am not going to give up. 

My regrets

1. Not staying awake all night on 4/16/05.
2. Disassociating myself with my best friend when he may have needed me the most.
3. Not telling the greatest love of my life that I love him.
4. Allowing disaster to enter my home.
5. Not sticking up for myself when I knew I should have.
6. Forgiving someone I shouldn't have forgiven the first time.
7. Allowing myself to be part of a relationship that could break an entire family apart.
8. Letting you leave that morning.
9. Not following someone when they asked me to.
10. Leaving you before giving you a chance.
11. Not having the guts to call you.
12. Hating you.
13. Punking out when I shouldve dove in.
14. Not getting on a plane to Arizona to see you.
15. Letting you slip away.
16. Loving you when I knew better.
17.
18.
19.
20.

Obviously this list could go on and on and on. At the time when I made these choices, I thought they were what's best. Life sucks are teaching us lessons that we don't want to learn. It will pull you in and shred you to pieces if you let it. Regrets of mine, are only experiences that I hope I have gained something from.

There is one thing on that list above that I plan to remove from the list. Can you guess which one?