A song my dad sang to me...

Bee Gees...Words

Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you
near to me.
Don't ever let me find you gone, cause that would
bring a tear to me.
This world has lost its glory, let's start a brand
new story now, my love.
Right now, there'll be no other time and I can show
you how, MY LOVE.

Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to
me.
And I will give you all my life, I'm here if you
should call to me.
You think that I don't even mean a single word I
say.
It's only words, and words are all I have, to take
your heart away

And there went fifty percent of me caring. Nice work.

20 days...

20 days. 20 days. 20 days.

Its weird how things pop in and out of my mind. This one...being a little harder than most.


Anyways, out and about now. Time to start my "outside" day. A little too soon, but its whatever. Let's hope today is a good day!

And so the madness begins...

All over again...

I had a pretty good day...with the exception of a few things.

Thats all!!

I've always kept myself to myself. I've always thought that the worse thing to ever do was get yourself attached to anyone. Reason? Attachments lead to expectations...expectations lead to disappointments. 

Makes sense right?

Well life doesn't come without a million disappointments.

Kind of contradicting to itself huh?

How is it that I probably have two hundred pairs of pants and three hundred shirts...and it still takes me an hour to find something to wear? OMG.

Rain...the rain is gonna be working in my favor today.

Time to go...again.

I just had the strangest dream. The scary part is...that it was kind of nice.

Anyways, I'm awake now. I'm going in to my day with a good outlook. I'm not letting anyone get to me.


Heres what my horoscope says: Today you are the sun shining down on all others whom you permit to orbit around you. It's a special day, and you should feel entitled to put yourself first.

Time to go, work for a little bit, and finally get to catch baseball with Nicholas today. Everyone always forgets that its those little things that are remembered.

Weak

I had a good night tonight. With the exception of a few mishaps. I got to spend it with my favorite ppls. I got to do things I wanted to do. I even had time to hide in the black room and finish up some projects. I get so busy, so often, that I rarely give myself any time to be normal. (I know)

I went out and bought easter baskets today. Which makes me sad of course. But what else is new? I can either avoid it, or go with it. Its unexplainable how this pisses me off. How something so simple as a few baskets on a shelf can trigger me. Its like looking at someone you dont like...and walking up to them and kicking their ass. It makes you feel better of course. Thats what I did to the baskets. They were in my face. So I bought them. I was actually proud of myself. May seem crazy I know, but what about me isnt? If you know me, then you know how hard that was for me to do.

Anyways, its Im off to bed! Gotta get up in less than five hours for work and I'm already grumpy. :) 

Lately

Lately seems weird. It seems like theres something creeping up...if that makes sense? Kind of like having things normal...and thinking...this can't be right.

Saint Patricks Day was yesterday. It took me back to a few years ago in my head. My son used to find four leaf clovers...a lot of them. Some days he would find more than one. It had to have been at least 30 all together in a month or so time. Anyways, everytime this boy would find them...something bad would happen. I literally had to yell at him to stop looking for them. Everytime he'd run in from outside with one in his hand, it was always like- wtf. You can't tell a little kid that kind of stuff though. The last time he found one...which was years ago...was probably the worse.

I know this guy who, when I met him, told me he didn't believe in luck. He said things happen for reasons, if god wants it a certain way, thats the way it will be. Fate I guess. This guy is kind of a religious guy (obviously). He said luck is something we create in our heads. We store it away in the same place where you keep your "hope". When he was telling me this...I thought he was crazy. When he went into better explanation, I damn near believe him. I had it in my head that he was right. But how could he have been?  With luck comes bad luck...right?  This guy ended up to be a very close friend. He is in the air force. He gets sent to different places at any given time. I still to this day, wish him luck when he leaves. He still thanks me for wishing him luck. Contradicting huh? Maybe it was me, afterall, who convinced him that luck as well as bad luck existed. Who knows.

Point is...that lately feels weird. I can feel it.

This guy that I talked about above left for Japan two years ago. He came back from there three months ago. Scary to think someone you care about couldve been involved in all this mess going on over there right now. It makes you hold on just a little tighter next time.

My own half hour

I had to delete this one... :)

So my day ended up being better than I thought it would be. With the exception of having to do seven days worth of "home stuff" in only a few hours. Other than that, it was nice. It was nice not having to worry about things, or deal with people. (I did get to talk to my almost favorite person today, mostly about nonsense, but nice nonetheless)

I must say that at times, I do things, or say things, without meaning to, by accident of course. I sometimes feel like maybe I shouldn't have gone there with what I said, but so what...right? If I'm thinking it, I say it. I try not to hold things back, or walk circles around the obvious. I may at times be very blunt and to the point, but its always attached to the best intentions. I wish more people would be that way. If you've got something to say, just say it. If you feel someone needs to hear something, let them. It would resolve so many issues, past, present, or future.

We rarely get that anywhere else. Most of what we get is not controlled. You watch the news...who knows if what they are telling you is the truth? Who's to say its completely backed up with facts? You are programmed to believe what the news says and reports. You were never meant to question it. That's why its here, been here a while, and probably never going away. Kinda like when you are young. You believe everything your parents tell you because you do not know any better, or anything different. Then you grow up and realize that 90% of what you were told growing up was a bunch of bullshit. The only difference is, that you cant exactly tell a child horrible things, or the actual "truths". It would crush them. I guess it all depends on the circumstances and situations you are put into. But these circumstances and situations are ones that "cannot be helped"...if that makes sense.

How did I just go from my day being nice...to news and parents lie to you? Wow. It reminds me of the most recent letter I received from my "real dad". He write his letters to me during different times and days. He jumps around from subject to subject. Almost confusing, but completely understood. Its sad really. As a whole picture looking at it, it really is sad. He does this with all of his letters, and I'm pretty sure I do it with alot of my nonsense. Coincidence? No...probably not.

Didn't I tell you I was crazy???

So yesterday was one of those days. The ones that you wish you could start all over and fix the things you screwed up on. Not that easy I know. I did something that I couldnt believe I did. I felt sooo bad because of it. It was a complete accident, but whatever. I'm good now. It was kind of funny because it would have never happened in a normal circumstance. I think some crazy power, what others would call god, or what I call karma, does things to you when you do something your not supposed to do. So after that OMG couple minutes, I was good. Just wished it didnt happen. :)


Anyways, today I am good. I just woke up a little while ago...I know lazy. But I dont care. Ive got probably a hundred things to take care of today, and havent started. But its a big whatever. :)

Already. Already having one of those days. At seven thirty in the morning. I ordered this lens online, paid 120 for it. It was just delivered...and its the wrong one. So much for that one huh?

Miss Ava Violet

My new niece. I wish her luck coming home to her three devil brothers!!

Morning minutes with you

I'm pretty sure its become part of my almost-everyday routine. It's nice. Kind of questionable, and awkward, but nice. Not so sure how to take it, or think of it. So maybe, I shouldn't think about that?


Anyways, it's Sunday, I'm actually OFF today. I've got probably a thirty things I need to do today. But, if you remember my lazy sundays...then you already know I'm not doing any of it. Its already 11, still in pajamas, eight missed calls that I am not returning, and a whole lotta temptation to jump back into bed.