Another late night.

I was so tired by the time all my nonsense was complete. I jumped in bed, expecting to actually get some kind of sleep. That didn't work in my favor. But when does anything?

i almost fell asleep. I was 99% there. Then what happens? Banging at my door. Now, I am the biggest chicken at night. When the entire house is dark...I'm not completely sure if I remembered to lock the doors...there are windows everywhere...its scary. So me being so chicken, jumped outta bed, hit my foot on the night stand of course...so now I'm cussing, loudly. I'm so pissed of at this point, that I'm just at the point that- whoever at my door, I'm gonna just scream at and what not...not even thinking...what if its a stranger or something.

So...guess who it was? My creepy neighbor. I answer the door, 1:30 AM mind you, are you kidding me? Is there something in this screwed up world that just picks days outta the week to make the official " lets fuck with Miranda' kinda days? It sure feels like that sometimes.

Anyways, he locked himself out of his house. He wanted to use my phone. He was obviously drunk or something. I, of course tell him no, cuz I wasn't letting him come in.

Long story short....after I told it (OMG)- I cant sleep now. Its two in the morning and no sleep in sight. Perfect isn't it?

Wearing out your words

Little things that you do

whispers in my ear

without worries or means

would’ve been nice had you been here.

Disappointments overflow senses

letters take truth

you write down these words

and still it shows no proof.

Waiting through glass

endless thought of what should be

it slowly stepped away

right along beside me.

From a distance I still hear you

I stop to think and pause

I gain recollection

and still I've got no cause.

One of two regrets

that is laughed away

perhaps it’s all understood

since this is what we say.

I seen your face tonight

I behaved and spoke no word

when you put it all together

it truly is absurd.

Two thousand miles away

I still hear you speak

seems you’ve surrendered

and it’s making you weak.

It feels good to have seen you happy though.

　

another night-time adventure for me! Wish me luck...

Just imagine...the possibilities. They are everywhere. There isnt a set time for them, there isnt a set place. They are just there. In place, waiting for someone to take advantage. But...then you get people...I don't say names, but you get these certain people. Who just can't bring themselves to taking those advantages. This is where temptation meets possibilities. Having them both and going for it, obviously makes for a better outcome. Having one against the other, now that can only lead to one place. Trouble.

If you have made your mind up about something, and you think its worth it, then there should be no questioning. There should be no self judgement. If in the past, you said that you were going to do something, and you've already experienced temptation and possibilty with this, and it still hasn't happened...then your left with idiocracy,. Don't be stupid. Stupid is for the uneducated and unresponsible.

...or maybe just hypocritical?

Most embarrassing thing so far today...falling asleep in my office chair at home and being woken up by the Comcast guy. Omfg. Next please.

The worst thing is wanting to talk to someone that you know you can't. Not because you shouldn't, but because you CAN'T.

Driving home last night it hit me. Not hard, but it was a lingering feeling that's still hanging around right now. Its horrible that something that makes you think this way, cannot be helped.


Anyways, I am going to have a wonderful day. It's gonna be my whatever happens-happens day. Wish me luck!

Its tempting...and we all know what that leads to..

What to do.......what to do.........what to do?

I ask myself that everyday. Temptations get in my way. They know how to come outta no where and surprise me. Its a good thing I am a strong person and know how to fight back. If I didn't have that...who knows what I'd be doing. Still...some of these temptations I fight off...I end up feeling some sort of regret from it. Like maybe I should have jumped in and gone for it. If I've got to think about it though...then I say no. That's the right thing to do...right?

Lets hope so. Cuz if not...I've missed out on a lot.

At the end of the day, I've completed my day. If I were meant to be doing something specific, or if some sort of fate was supposed to throw something other than my normal at me...than it would've happened. There would be no chance of temptation...right? Here I go...being crazy once more. BUT SOMETIMES ITS TOO TEMPTING TO AVOID.

Another late night..I've had lots of them lately. Not sure why, but I'm ZZZzzzz-ing now.

My very own lala land.....

I am wonderful at surprising myself. It is beyond me how some things play out. You do things you never imagine you could ever do. You get to know people you never thought you would. You get accustomed to a lifestyle that you never expected to be part of your life. But it happens. Things change. Plans get re-routed. People come and go. It is what it is, right?

I think...me personally...that this life would not give me anything or anyone I can't handle. If it did...I'm pretty sure I've already experienced them. Maybe not at my best, but I got through it nontheless. It makes me-me.



My eyes are tired. Its late, really late. I'm going to lala land now. Off to go dream about............(you didnt think I was going to admit that did ya?)

My dad just asked me if I was high when I painted my nails. Omfg.

Part One....my fav story.... :)

It was late August. The sun was shining, the birds were flying, the air was warm. The waves of the bay could be heard a block away. It was serene and free of alterations.

She went there as a punishment. Her parents thought it would do her some good to be away from the normal. To be away from the not so good friends she spent everyday with. It would keep her out of trouble, and far from anything that could taint that. Little did they know, it would be the best seventeen days of her life.

She was the kind of girl who normally kept to herself when she wasn't comfortable. She kept her secrets. She was quiet and held herself with such grace and admiration. She knew what she wanted in life, and barely questioned what life gave her. She was the girl that raised curiosity among anyone that came in contact with her. To say she was elite with amazement would be an under minded statement.

It took her two days to get over the anger and frustration of being taken away, to this deserted place. As hard as it was, she was able to adjust. With being 500 miles from home, and no chance in anyone taking her back, she had no choice.

                  ********************************************************

There he was. Walking, with that young, mysterious look in his presence. He walked right up to her.

Another lazy Sunday? ....not happening. So far today, its been pretty good. I got to spend some time w/my Ciara. FINALLY. It took me waking her up at 6 am to do so, but whatever works right?

My horoscope today says this: No one is going to stand in your way.

I dont know how that is to be taken, but i'll go with it.


Anyways, Im off to start my- out of the house- day. Wish me luck!

Ohhhhhhhhhh.....and BTW- my DAD found out I know about my "real" dad. He hasnt said anything, but I overheard him talking about it last night. So I'm sure that conversation is gonna be taking place pretty soon? OMFG. I'm taking it as a big whatever.

just u wait. u'll be sorry. :)

Ur BFF was just here btw...

I just tried to fix what u told me was wrong with it, and it didnt help. ur supposed to be good for something?????????

And I've been told that I dislike people to soon...or too early. Today is the perfect example of why I do not like people. and I guess animals too. Its a big go F urself day. :)

Since this morning, my car trunk broke. I cant shut it? So...I called and cussed Toyota peeps out and even still...its not shut. Nice right?




Oh and BTW- Seems uve been a little "suttle" lately...gonna have to give it a little more game than that.

My 4AM Disasters! AGAIN

So...beings how i havent had much of a break from things lately...i decide to give myself one last night. Let me just say...it did not last very long. Who was I kidding?

I finally get to sleep after about two hours of trying. I mustve only been asleep for maybe an hour, when I was awaken by a loud crash. Sounded like a window breaking or dishes falling on the floor. Now..here I am, scared to death, not knowing what or who it is...I grab the only thing I can see...my pretty purple vase...I go upstairs to see...lights on the back deck are now flickering...I run back downstairs...chicken I know. Get my phone, and boots of course. All for what...?

A Fucking Racoon. AGAIN. I thought they hide when its cold? Or borrow somewheres? Anyways, somehow it managed to knock over my glass table on the deck, which had an umbrella wrapped up, but still in place. Umbrella knocks my pretty almost new light fixture just about off of the siding. Just my luck right?

And of course, after all this mess, I can't go back to sleep. So here I am now, getting ready to start my day, with one hour of sleep. I feel bad for anyone that has to deal with me today on yet another one of my wtf days. 

Just when things were right..

My brother left for Iraq 5 days ago. Afghanistan to be exact. He is to be there until August.  I remember when this whole "war"-whatever situation started. They broad casted all over the place. Now, nothing. Is that to lead people to believe that its not just as big of a deal as it was before? Is that to "trick" the mind into pretending it doesn't exist anymore? ...without visuals, there comes no disturbance?

My cousin Anthony, who was like a brother to me my whole life went to Fallujah, Iraq a few years ago. He came back with three gun shot wounds to the abdomen. I remember getting the phone call. Army calls, says they need to speak with his mother...and of course, his mother was no where to be found. They wouldn't tell me anything. So here I am, by myself, trying to find this woman who is only god knows where, thinking the entire time- He's dead. Its horrible. When all was said and done, he was in a secondhand hospital somewhere in Germany...being told it would take three weeks to get him back to the states. After one whole month, he was finally transferred to Washington DC. A month. Turns out most of the man in his squad were either blown up or shot. He was a tank driver. As he climbed out of the tank, "they" shot him. Three times. He was only 18 years old when he joined the army.

Now, that's gotta be the scariest thing to ever go through. Lying there, bleeding to death, unsure of your surrounding, far from anything that is in any way familiar.

When he recovered, and was actually able to stay home for a little bit, he wasn't Tony anymore. He was someone else. Almost like he had been brainwashed. I think that even though he survived, the whole ordeal killed some part of him. He still- to this day, is not the same.

With all this being said...comes my baby brother. He is in the marines. I don't really know him very well, and haven't had much of a chance to try. I do know this- I am scared for him. If my "Father" did anything for him, I hope he taught him to be brave. To be safe. To be strong.

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.

– William Shakespeare

Mmmmmmm

...chocolate covered cherries.

"Old Man"

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.
Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don't get lost.
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you.
Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.
I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.
Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.