...And that's the reason why I don't fall in love.

Mom and Ciara

I was cleaning my son's school bag out yesterday. In doing this, I came across a- Happy St. Patty's Day card that he must've made for me. On the cover, it read- Happy St. Patrick's Day; on the inside, it read- Mom and Ciara. The very moment I saw this, I cried.

It made me realize that- Wow. It really is just us.

I sometimes forget that. I wake up in the morning, so wrapped up in what that day has in store for me, that I look past what's most important. The very best part of me there is.

I could only imagine the thoughts going through, and back and forth in his mind. I just want to wrap my arms around him, and hug him till he's okay.

Well, it's three I'm the morning, and I'm still awake. I don't like this. I'm used to normal. I want my normal back. Never be an everyday additive to my life unless you're going to be there when I'm expecting you to be. I don't do well with unwanted change. I am never on board with this void. Please quit it. On a different note...I have a very special someone that I am due to visit with in about five hours, and I cannot wait. Definitely a visit that I not only want, but need. Till then. BT.

Multiplies....

Ughh...today wasnt really all that great of a day. Altho I did get to talk to an old friend for a few moments, spend the night with my best babes, and get some much needed work done, it still isnt doing it for me.

Its like insomnia has moved in on my brain and just wont go away. Late night, I see you coming.

Didnt help that I walked right into them either.

Nine more days.

15 days from now.

Nothing can change what you mean to me. Not a day, a month, a year. Not a person, a feeling, a thing.

15 days from today. 23 days from today....

My plans for those days: To completely dissapear into thin air. To dissapear from the entire world.

Doesnt matter what happens to them

This makes more sense to me than anything I have read over the past five years. Unbelievable.

La..di..da.

Read this five times. You'll get it.

Wants Vs. Needs

Out...stand...ing.

I dont do attachments.


The reason: So I will never have to house dissapointments.

What is wrong with me?

If I don't give up on it, I'll be an idiot. But if I do give up on it, I'd still be the idiot.

Jeepers Creepers Cat- 1941

Just a little late..

See you when I sleep at night
feel your surroundings here
breathe your warmth all around me
wake up with the same fear.

Grasp the dreams
muster thoughts of loss
try to come to closure
discovered whats been looked across.

Question all motives
break the normalcy in place
give up in the morning
fall back into face.

Was she even there?

Maybe its better to find-what one never, never knows...

Just when I think I'm done...

I'm not. Just when I become blind to all that has to do with that, just when I let my guard down, and pretend its going to be okay...it completely jumps up at me. Like the first sound of thunder...when you're not expecting it to rain...the jolt, the noise...it makes you pause and stirs you up for a moment. That is, until you realize that its just a storm.

But this isn't just a storm. This is an everyday situation, that could arise at any given second. An uncontrollable something.

I don't do well with it, and I am weak to this. Its when life brings this to the surface for a few minutes, that I can be absolutely withdrawn from the world. Its scary to know that it happens. Its uneasy.


Just another part of this whole venture though...right?

Anyone that can take someone like me, and be completely open to my strange and witchy brains...is worth it to me. Show me whatcha got.

It's a wonder
how clumsy I've become
because of flaws
that shelter themselves
in another.
- Unknown

Everybody thinks...that everybody knows...

Its almost morning, I had to write one more, so my post count didn't get stuck on 666. I get enough bad luck without leaving the window of invitation open for it.

My nephew showed me  two four leaf clovers today...or yesterday...? Anyways, I've been extra cautious of my actions over the last 12 hours...so let's hope that all ends in goodness. At least for today.

BT.

Falling from grace...

Here's an interesting quote I just came across. Weird thing about it...I fell across this only moments after having a conversation with an extremely amazing man, who I would not want to share my tomorrow's without.  


This is something that has to do with a few different points I was trying to say to him. But who am I to bring to his attention? I'm sure he already knows this. Its always easier said to others, unknown of the details, and feelings, but...I sometimes have issues with shushing up. I hope this person can see how important he is to me. How-regardless of my madness, and nonsense, and my inability to tell him just yet, it doesn't mean that I am heartless, or that those feelings aren't there. 


This world has plans for me, and everyone for that matter, just wish we could be thrown a hint or two every now and then. 

"To pin your hopes upon the future is to consign those hopes to a hypothesis, which is to say, a nothingness. Here and now is what we must contend with." -Unknown

My Gracie

Words.

Someone once wrote me a letter with some pretty eye opening knowledge inside. This person who wrote this letter to me...I've never met, I've never actually spoken to him, I don't know if I have the interest in ever doing either...but hes someone who's words I hold onto...like when you are little...and your parents...you don't know any better...so you admire everything they've got to say to you. You cherish your time, and the moments...that's how this is. My interaction with this person is very limited. Very new to me. Very strange and questionable to me. But he writes me letters. From these letters, I try to take whatever information or wisdom I can from him, since I have missed out on so much.

I would never tell him of course...that it feels like I've missed out on so much. In fact, if he appeared before me right now, I'd probably punch him in his face and walk away. But once he was out of my view, I'd more than likely break down and cry. Miranda does not cry.

Anyways...he told me this...

"To me- words are one of the finest things I own, and I respect".



With that one sentence, out of the thousand sentences he wrote in his first letter to me...it kind of cleared a little up for me. It made sense to me.

So, when you are speaking to me, and I tell you not to say certain things to me, because it will make you seem weak, or dumb, don't listen to me. Those are your words, only you  choose to use them or not.