My eyes are tired. No matter what I do, I cant fall asleep. WTF is going on?
It seems I'm getting used to 5 hours of sleep and 19 hours of everything else. If only there wasnt so much of everything else.
OMG...just thought about it, tuesday...one more year older. Where did the time go?
Anyways, I can't sleep...I can't do anything productive...I can't think clearly...therefore....I'm going out.
Goodnight!!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Careful what you wish for
Because it may come true.
NO REALLY. It just may. People dont think before they act. Before dont think before they speak. Is it that hard to understand that the actions you take and the way you present yourself and the choices you make for yourself, are what makes you- you.
NO REALLY. It just may. People dont think before they act. Before dont think before they speak. Is it that hard to understand that the actions you take and the way you present yourself and the choices you make for yourself, are what makes you- you.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Because of u. Its because of u that I am this way. Its because of u that I am ME. Whats to be expected? What was the ultimate goal? Has it been surpassed? I sure hope so. For your sake of course.
I know sometimes I can be a little dramatic. Maybe even overly dramatic. But so what?
I'm starting my day off pretty good so far. Its only 8AM and I've already yelled and cussed at someone. I did say good didn't I? Whatever. That's the way I see it. I do nothing without reasons.
Its freezing outside. Heats on, clothes are on, coat is on. I cannot get warm though. I met someone a few years ago, who really never got warm. It was stemmed from some sort of blood disorder. Imagine if you were like that living here? This person though, their body temperature was always normal, and sometimes warmer than it was supposed to be, but they lacked the neurons that sent the signals to their brain that actually were supposed to say...Hey, I am warm now. This was of course after the blood disorder was able to be subsided. Somehow, their mind was trained to be this way. Apparently it was caused by the stress and dilemma of the blood disorder though. Weird huh?
If I am to ever let my brain think on its own, without me telling it what to think, they better put my ass to sleep permanently. Anyways, time to go, time to start this day. :)
I know sometimes I can be a little dramatic. Maybe even overly dramatic. But so what?
I'm starting my day off pretty good so far. Its only 8AM and I've already yelled and cussed at someone. I did say good didn't I? Whatever. That's the way I see it. I do nothing without reasons.
Its freezing outside. Heats on, clothes are on, coat is on. I cannot get warm though. I met someone a few years ago, who really never got warm. It was stemmed from some sort of blood disorder. Imagine if you were like that living here? This person though, their body temperature was always normal, and sometimes warmer than it was supposed to be, but they lacked the neurons that sent the signals to their brain that actually were supposed to say...Hey, I am warm now. This was of course after the blood disorder was able to be subsided. Somehow, their mind was trained to be this way. Apparently it was caused by the stress and dilemma of the blood disorder though. Weird huh?
If I am to ever let my brain think on its own, without me telling it what to think, they better put my ass to sleep permanently. Anyways, time to go, time to start this day. :)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Stand Alone
After posting this the first time, I see about thirty things wrong with this picture.
Its funny, because I could pretty much guarantee no one else would see them.
Tiny temptations...again
Oh...the things that people will do! I know I say this often, but it still happens everyday...People AMAZE me. I just wish they would amaze me in a good way every now and then.
Underlying problems never really go away. Sure, u can hide them. You can buried them beneath something else. You can even pretend they don't exist. But, they will surface, they will float to the top, and they will haunt your ass. Why not just solve the problem and move on? Why dwell on things? At the end of the day, it is what it is. Like it or not. Wouldn't you want it to be a good ending though?
Something so simple as common sense. It can change the world. You put that to work and brilliant things will happen. Its really not that hard, its not meant to be difficult. Its an up-in-the-air, all-around genius move. Why wouldnt you use that for advantage?
Anyways, my day went good. I got a few things done, and felt somewhat productive today. Somewhat. That happens though, so what if you didnt get everything done u planned on getting done. Im gonna keep telling myself it was a productive day regardless. Almost...a satisfying day. We need more of those in life.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Today was a good day. I am feeling so much better this week then I was the last. Something about certain days that pull it outta ya. Glad to be brighter though!
Anyways, I got to spend my day with my favorite peoples. I got to go out with them and have lots of fun. Which was a change from the normal. All in all, things went good. Now...I have a ten page report due on tuesday, and have not even started or began to research for it. Guess i'll drown myself into that for a little while.
Anyways, I got to spend my day with my favorite peoples. I got to go out with them and have lots of fun. Which was a change from the normal. All in all, things went good. Now...I have a ten page report due on tuesday, and have not even started or began to research for it. Guess i'll drown myself into that for a little while.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Yesterday's flowers
I'm going in today with a positive outlook. Its early. I got to actually sleep last night. So we will see.
I feel a little better today. I think its due time to go see her. The first year, I visited her everyday. Sometimes twice a day. I began to spend so much of my time in this cemetary just to feel close to her. My goal of everyday was to visit her. When the skies were cloudy, I would visit her more than once. When it rained, I would visit her and stay extra long so that she knew everything was ok. So she knew she didnt have to be scared. Because I was there. Each day, I'd bring her new flowers. Id take the flowers from the day before and sit them on a neighboring stone.
After a little over a year of doing this...I met this person. This person who made me see that I didnt have to be sitting atop of a mound of dirt and grass for her to know I was there. This person I met only once, and never again. Strange as it sounds, its true. It was hard. It was a difficult process to get over. I missed her each second of everyday. I still do. Only now, I am able to miss her and still feel okay about it.
It is time to go see her. To take pretty yellow flowers to her. To, if nothing else, show myself, I still can without completely breaking down.
I feel a little better today. I think its due time to go see her. The first year, I visited her everyday. Sometimes twice a day. I began to spend so much of my time in this cemetary just to feel close to her. My goal of everyday was to visit her. When the skies were cloudy, I would visit her more than once. When it rained, I would visit her and stay extra long so that she knew everything was ok. So she knew she didnt have to be scared. Because I was there. Each day, I'd bring her new flowers. Id take the flowers from the day before and sit them on a neighboring stone.
After a little over a year of doing this...I met this person. This person who made me see that I didnt have to be sitting atop of a mound of dirt and grass for her to know I was there. This person I met only once, and never again. Strange as it sounds, its true. It was hard. It was a difficult process to get over. I missed her each second of everyday. I still do. Only now, I am able to miss her and still feel okay about it.
It is time to go see her. To take pretty yellow flowers to her. To, if nothing else, show myself, I still can without completely breaking down.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
It hit me tonight bad. Really bad. I dont know what happened. My day went by good, and come 8 o'clock...it was horrible. I do this to myself, and I know I do. I have to figure out a way to not let this happen. It has been a while since its really gotten to me. Maybe it was just time.
I remember the day I packed her things. I packed them in blue totes. Each piece of clothing, still smelled like her. All of her toys, still had the images of her all over them. She was very little. She didnt have lots of things just yet. It took me almost five hours, five totes, to pack her stuff. I cried with every new piece that she didnt get to wear. I cried with the pretty things she did get to wear. I cried when I touched each piece. It was a moment in my life that I was happy to go through alone. Had I not been alone, someone probably would've stopped me.
Earlier tonight, I could feel myself not breathing right. Just thinking about it. My legs felt numb. In fact, my whole body felt numb. It was beyond scary.
I remember the day I packed her things. I packed them in blue totes. Each piece of clothing, still smelled like her. All of her toys, still had the images of her all over them. She was very little. She didnt have lots of things just yet. It took me almost five hours, five totes, to pack her stuff. I cried with every new piece that she didnt get to wear. I cried with the pretty things she did get to wear. I cried when I touched each piece. It was a moment in my life that I was happy to go through alone. Had I not been alone, someone probably would've stopped me.
Earlier tonight, I could feel myself not breathing right. Just thinking about it. My legs felt numb. In fact, my whole body felt numb. It was beyond scary.
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