Ava

I had this strange and scary dream a few nights ago. Normally, a few moments after waking up, I forget about my dreams, or I dont put too much thought into them. This one, I cant stop thinking about.

I was in some sort of field, there were squares of crates filled with hay. Not sure what this place was. In my dream, I get some sort of feeling about Ava. I go straight to my sister, and yell- Where is she? Where is she? What kind of mother are you! Find her now! Why aren't you looking???  In my head, I already knew she was gone somehow. Like I accepted it and was righteous about the fact that Ava was gone. In the dream- I was right. I found her. She lay there in the crate. Breathless. I immediately jump back, and cry. Then I wake up. Kind of..I was still asleep, but my thoughts were still asleep. I frantically thought- Where is Ciara....where is she. Then someone (I dont know who) gave me the look of sadness. I went directly into grief mode. As though- she had already been gone, and I lost her all over again. I woke up from that unsure of where I was. It took me a few moments to recollect things.

So...I woke up for real this time...finally...when I realized it was just a dream...my initial feeling was- wow...thank you...I am so grateful to have her. I walked into Ciara's bedroom and held her so tight. She woke up and said to me- Good morning mommy. I love you.

I am not sure what any of this has to do with anything. I do know that it isnt normal for me to be dreaming about children dying. I really hope this dream wasn't an indication of anything. It was so clear and vivid.