I need an outlet.
I have so many crazy and screwed up things going on in my life right now, its almost unbearable. I don't understand how I allow myself to get into these situations-every time. It never fails. Never.
How do I let myself accept second best? How do I let myself think that I don't deserve more? How do I let myself be wrapped up into these fairytale stories- only to be thrown into the fire at the end?
Its because I am a stupid woman. No smart, intelligent, witty woman would allow this to be their life. At which point in mine did I make that decision to turn this way? To go left, when I should have gone right? Once on this road, how did I not see all the signs pointing in the wrong direction? Why didn't I turn around? What put me on this path of destruction?
I'm at the point in my life where turning around isn't an option anymore. I can no longer decide what kind of life I will have. I can no longer make those good choices and be who I've always wanted to be. Do you know how sad that makes a person?
Really, really, really...fucking sad.
How pathetic am I?
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