Eyes wide open...words unspoken..

Just had the most amazing night. Yes...amazing.

My whole day was actually...kinda good. Had a few unneccessary roadblocks, but whatever. I obviously found a way around them...did I not?

Photography: Up until about six years ago...it meant nothing to me. Yeah sure, I would take pictures here and there. Like everyone else does...

Until one horrible day came, and took someone who meant everything to me away. I was left with a total of 21 pictures of her. 21. When you have so little time with someone, every moment means the world. Having only 21 of those moments recorded was a huge regret for me. From that point on, everything was captured. Turned out I was pretty good at it. Nowadays, I see the world in "squares". Sounds crazy, I know. But what about me isnt? By squares, I mean- I see everything. Every detail, of every inch of everything in eyesight. I see it...think...does this need to be captured...and if it does...I take it. Its my world I'm living in...why not take anything I want to out of it?

Side note....what the hell was I thinking?

BUT...its now almost three in the morning...and I've got to be at work in 5 hours. So...BT. :)

When worlds collide..

Staring down the barrel of a...

Always a way to get there..

No matter where you may go in your life, or where life takes you...as you move on, your path is always behind you. This path, its left with all of your memories, your madness, your nothings. Make it a good one.

The first straw

Just because I'm lost, doesn't mean I'm losing.

If I ever get the nerve to say goodbye to you, I will.

...never forget that.



My reckless mind.

Think of all the people in the world who do not have this. You, yourself, may just be one of those people. One thing though...its no ones fault but your own. Or is it?

Someone argued a similar point with me the other day. They told me, they don't agree with my theory of- You cannot blame those around you how your life turns out...You cannot say there is never another option if the situation you are in is wrong...

I truly believe that you, and you alone are responsible for how you live your life, what becomes of your world because of you, and how impact those around you.

Be someones reason to smile? Don't put yourself out there unless you're willing to be let down. All about.....number one.

I cant help but be scared...

I've been mean to people who didnt deserve it. I've been patient with those who hadnt earn it. I've been sweet to some for unreasonable reasons. I'm extremely selfish when I feel I need to be. I do get shy. I am confident of my abilities, but only sometimes let others know. I'm stupid when it comes to comfort. I'm crazy, and open about my craziness. I consider myself lucky to have such beautiful children, even though I dont believe in luck. At times, I'm ugly. I can be insensitive to others feelings more times than not. I am cynical in my own mind. I get angry easily. I dont get stressed often. I get scared more times than any one person should. I get lonely when I am surrounded by people.

What is wrong with me?

...yep, I already know.

If you get hurt it, I'll take your pain.

Tonight, someone told me that I was insecure, and that I dont tell anyone about me. This was followed by some pretty screwed up stuff, and some not so nice words.

It amazes me, how without knowing that I'm doing it, I take it. I am naive to think that this is normal. I consistently allow this to happen around me. I am always there for everyone. Even if being there means...to sit and listen to nonsense. I'm there.

But sometimes, it would be nice to have someone there for ME.

Sometimes the grass is greener...in someone else's yard.

I was not brought up in my life to know or to have all of the answers. I was not given an instruction guide on how to deal with certain situations that arise throughout life. I was not made aware that sometimes, things really are hard.

All I can do, is just make it through my day. Try the best, take the best from it, and give myself to what needs me.

If you ask me how I'm doing, I'd say I'm doing just fine. How would you know if I'm lying?

I miss Colorado days. I miss a lot of days. I miss all of the nonsense that you overlook as a kid.

Well...leave it to me to be so wrong once again. What was I thinking. I'm so over this day, next please.

Good morning world. Let's hope today turns out to be a good day.

Had a nice day today. Wish more days were like this. With the exception of one person not being here, it was nice.

Pretty sure I just did something I definately shouldnt have done. Why is it only afterwards that I realize this? ...because the actual moment...was amazing. 

What would I do w/out her?



She would've been here this day six years ago, but she was so stubborn. Just like me. I can't get this out of my head.

I hate that she's gone. It's made me a sad person. It's left me with no inspiration for what tomorrow will bring. Root cause kinda thing huh?

When will these days full of madness subside? I don't know how much more I can take. I'm giving it my final go at it. Wish me luck.

A certain someone did make my day just a little bit better today. Not sure how to take it, but I'm letting it continue. Shaky ground, I'm walking on, but like always, I'll be okay.

My day today was somewhat surprising. Friday the thirteenth happens again this month. Weird how I am probably the only one who remembers that it was only six years ago that this day fell in January. What happen to the seven day/seven year rule? Too much to think about tonight.