Why do I always let my mind go here? When days are hard, or things get rough, or nights get scary...I think of him. I guess its an easy blame. Sometimes I'd like to think that those days maybe wouldnt be so hard, or things may not be tough, and nights wouldnt be scary had he stayed. Who am I kidding though? I know years ago, things were different. Things were easier to walk away from. Things were more inclined to be swept under the carpet and never spoken about again...or at least thats what I'm told.
I cant help but come across these thoughts throughout my days. Is this just a waste of my time? Regardless of what any one person will ever admit to- there is always a void when a parent is gone. Sometimes, even when that parent is in the next room. This void, is eventually filled with something else, or someone else. But theres always hurt, and anguished thats deep below the filled void.
I am a very thankful person. I am thankful for the life I have, the people in it, my memories, my potential. But theres always gonna be that wonder. That curiosity. Those- what if's.
I don't know whether to hate him, or love him. Human kindness tells me to love him, but my thoughts, my mind, my heart, tells me to hate him.
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